E-Book Review 9: George Pappas – Monogamy Sucks

E-Book Review 9: George Pappas – Monogamy Sucks

Sum it up, Kitten: Man hates monogamy, goes on long sex quest to sleep with as many women as possible.Monogamy-Sucksfinalcover

Review it, Pumpkin: Jake is a man in his early 30s who has become bored with relationships and being tied down. He’s horny, he’s desperate for a fuck, he wants as many women as possible. He’s like a teenager in an older man’s body. Disillusioned with the bar scene, he follows different routes to try and satisfy his desires: placing ads in magazines and on phone lines, and writing online dating profiles. He attends swing parties and fuck clubs. This is a kind of diary of his experiences over two or three years.

It’s a premise that opens up pretty much any possibility you would want from an erotic novel and in this respect Pappas does not disappoint. We meet all kinds of men and women, there’s all kinds of sex, there’s realism, there are twists and turns and there’s humour and suspense.

But, for me, this isn’t what I would call an ‘erotic’ book. I think there is a definite line between a book with lots of sex and a book that is erotic. This has probably been written predominantly for men – it certainly plays to traditionally male desires (there’s lots of sleeping around with different people and it’s crammed with women who love to suck cock and swallow jizz) so perhaps some men would get off on reading this. But while there are moments of titillation, overall I wouldn’t class this as erotica.

A lot of this is down to the character of Jake. I would call him a misogynist if he didn’t seem to dislike men as much as women. About 80%, perhaps more, of the myriad women he fucks in this story are described by Jake with disgust – as being old, dry, fat, ugly or smelly. Sometimes all of those adjectives are used to describe one vagina. I realise that Pappas wanted to inject some realism, but it’s very difficult for a book to be erotic when it feels like Jake is holding his nose every time he has sex. The men, meanwhile, are boorish, untrustworthy, brash or are out to touch him (which, Jake is at pains to tell us, is not something he’s into, despite the number of times he’s part of male-heavy group sex).

Even when Jake does begin to have sex, he regularly fails to deliver. He often can’t get hard despite his desperation to meet ‘sluts’, and if he can get hard he either comes too quickly or can’t come at all. In the end, he relies on Viagra. He complains about feeling used afterwards. When you have one partner who can’t get hard and the other constantly being described as being ugly or smelly, it’s hard to get too worked up about the sex they eventually struggle to have.

Jake does compliment almost all the women he meets, no matter how disgusting he privately thinks they are, but when they compliment him there’s never any sense they might be lying. Jake, it appears, is hot. It’s almost everyone else who is not. Jake is, frankly, an extremely arrogant man with deep insecurities.

But don’t get me wrong: this is still something of a page-turner. It offers an honest, interesting insight into the world of swinging. It’s an intriguing study of a man who is lost in his private world of lust – I’d almost compare him to Patrick Bateman or Travis Bickle in the way he thinks, the way he speaks, in his barely-disguised self-loathing, were it not for the saving grace that Jake is not, or does not appear to be, a violent man. In fact, there’s a feeling that underneath all the bravado, Jake just wants to be loved.

A tale worth reading, a tale full of graphic sex, a tale that is frequently very funny (Jake’s ‘Cumming Attractions’ advert is particularly, clunkily hilarious), but a tale that is not, at least for me, erotic.

Rate it, Sweet Thang: Three out of Five Stars.

Follow George Pappas on Twitter
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Buy Monogamy Sucks

The Inappropriately Personal Author Interview: No.1 – Lucy Felthouse

When I started writing erotica earlier this year, Lucy Felthouse was one of the first people I came into contact with – initially through reading her fine work (see review here) and later through Twitter, where she was kind enough to give me some help and guidance in my quest to become a thoroughly disreputable purveyor of sexiness.

So, when I decided to start a new Author Interview segment, Lucy was the first person I thought of asking to take part.

Jared Padalecki - one of Lucy's muses

Jared Padalecki – one of Lucy’s muses

Lucy writes wonderfully hot erotica and erotic romance in a variety of sub-genres. She has over 70 publications to her name and has edited a number of erotic anthologies. She owns Erotica for All and is Book Editor for Cliterati.

In this interview, I try to get inside Lucy’s erotic brain…

CD: Your first erotic story was called ‘Sam & Katie’, which you wrote  while at University. How did that come about and what can you recall about showing it to your friends?
Lucy: One lunchtime, one of my friends suggested I should write an erotic story. I resisted, until he dared me. So I asked for his fantasy and a couple of name suggestions, then went away and wrote the story. I brought it back into University a few days later and showed it to the people involved in the original conversation (I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they were all men!), and let’s just say none of them got up for a little while.

CD: Yes, it’s always nice when there’s a clear physical reaction to one’s work… Do you have particular people in mind when writing your stories? Friends? Lovers or ex-lovers? Famous people?
Lucy: I don’t write about real people. Some of my characters may look like real people, but I don’t write about friends or people I know, because I like to keep my writing separate from real life. Many of my characters, it has to be said, bear striking resemblances to my favourite male celebrity crushes…

CD: Similarly, do you like to draw on your own sexual experiences when writing?
Lucy: No, absolutely not. My private life is private. The only way I’ve drawn on real life is that basically, I’m not a virgin!

CD: Damn – we wanted details! OK, do friends ever give you material from their own experiences for your stories?
Lucy: Perhaps not intentionally! I’m a fan of writing military stories, and it’s quite useful to know a few people in the military, or who are ex-military. Therefore, they get asked lots of questions and occasionally, something they’ve said might find its way into a story, albeit sexed up! For example, my m/m short story, Ditched, is based on a true story about an army exercise. That’s the only true part, though. My friend isn’t gay, and there definitely wasn’t any sex on Salisbury Plain. Not on that occasion, anyway. It probably happens… but not concerning my friend.

CD: I think we all hope that it does happen, yes… We all know that erotica is full of fantasy – but have you ever had a sexual experience that felt like it was straight out of an erotic story?
Lucy: Yes. And that’s all I’m saying!

CD: Well, we can try and use our imaginations, I suppose. Now, you have written from the point of view of a man before (for example in A Taste of London) – how did you find that process?
Lucy: Lots of fun! And not too difficult, actually. I have several male friends, all of whom know what I write, and I suspect it makes them more open with me than they would be other women. So I find it quite easy, after many conversations over the years, to get into their mindset and write from a male perspective.

CD: Which of all your stories is your favourite, and why?
Lucy: That would be Stately Pleasures, my as-yet-unpublished novel. It’s my favourite because it’s the first full-length novel I ever wrote, because it was a learning curve, because I achieved the goal. Plus, the storyline was so much fun to write and draws on my love of old houses and mansions. Also, the lead male characters are smokin’ hot, and bear uncanny resemblances to Jeremy Renner and Jared Padalecki.

CD: Sounds awesome – looking forward to reading that. Who, apart from CD Foxwell of course, are your favourite erotic authors and why?
Lucy: I read such a lot of erotica and erotic romance that it’s difficult to maintain a select few that I would class as favourites. But here are some of them: Portia Da Costa, Saskia Walker, K D Grace, Kay Jaybee, Justine Elyot, Lily Harlem and Victoria Blisse. The best part is that most of those are my friends, too!

CD: And finally, do you have an unfulfilled sexual fantasy that you could tell us about?
Lucy: Of course. Right now, I’d really like to get naked and sweaty with Henry Cavill.

We would like to recommend Lucy’s story, A French Affair. Here’s the blurb, followed by details of how you can follow/keep up to date with/online stalk Lucy…afrenchaffair

Sydney Tyler is renting a barn conversion in Northern France, planning to spend the fortnight getting some words down on her novel. Unfortunately, construction work in the other half of the building puts an end to her peace and quiet. Genuinely upset that the builders are going to disturb her, the property’s handsome English owner, Harry Bay, offers to make it up to her. He’s a little flirtatious, and after spotting his wedding ring, Sydney keeps him at arm’s length. Sexy as he is, she has no intention of getting involved with a married man. But when Sydney learns the truth about Harry, will their mutual attraction spur them on to work through their emotional baggage and make this more than just a French affair?

More info on A French Affair, plus an excerpt and buy links.
Follow Lucy on Twitter.
Join Lucy on Facebook.
Visit Lucy’s website.
Subscribe to Lucy’s newsletter.//

E-Book Review 8: Girl on the Net – My Not-So-Shameful Sex Secrets

E-Book Review 8: Girl on the Net – My Not-So-Shameful Sex Secrets

Sum it up, Love Muffin: Cock-loving blogger Girl on the Net delivers a raucous, funny, honest and beautifully filthy sex memoir. And says ‘cunt’ a lot in the process.girl

Review it, Your Royal Buffness: For approximately 300 clicks on my Kindle I got to be inside the head of a girl. A dirty, filthy girl who thinks about sex a lot. A girl who loves fucking, who loves to experiment with fucking and all things around fucking. A girl who loves cock, a girl who gets wet at the thought of cock. A girl that loves to be spanked and whipped. A girl who fantasises about wanking guys off in alleyways. She’s like some kind of incredible fantasy – a woman who likes sex as much as men do… except, that isn’t a ‘fantasy’, is it? It’s not a fantasy because it’s reality – as Girl on the Net is at pains to point out in her wonderfully direct prose, women love fucking just as much – or as little – as men do.

This is a memoir that shatters lazy cliches and misguided preconceptions. We all know the notion that women don’t masturbate is preposterous, but here, in e-print, Girl on the Net finally kicks that myth in the knackers with her irresistible memories of her teenage self frantically frigging off at the thought of being tied up by lascivious pirates. Meanwhile, her insights into what was going through her head as she talked dirty with ‘First Love’, or as she encouraged ‘Number One’ and ‘Number Two’ to explore her body so she, in turn, could get her hands on them, are fantastically realised – women are sure to nod and smile, while for men it’s like getting to peer behind the curtain. For any reader, these memories are sure to evoke fond, sexy remembrances of our own clumsy yet breathtaking teenage fumblings.

But while this is a book about Girl on the Net’s own experiences, it’s also something much wider – something approaching the most enjoyable (non-practical) Sex-Ed lesson you’re ever likely to have. Girl on the Net doesn’t just explain what she likes and what she’s gotten up to in her adult life – she digs much deeper to try and explain why she does what she does. Not that this is a therapy exercise – what I mean is that she explains, with frank and often extremely erotic honesty, how she feels when she sees, for example, a hard cock straining inside tight jeans, or what turns her on about being spanked with merciless vigour. And, just occasionally, she reveals what she doesn’t like (root ginger in the arse).

A few years ago, I came up with an idea. I suggested to a friend that a few of us, male and female, should hire a cottage for a weekend in the country. And then, over the course of the weekend, everyone just talks, but has to be totally honest about everything: their deepest desires, their worst fears, their biggest turn-ons, their darkest thoughts. He looked at me like I was mad. And maybe I was, but you can’t help feeling when reading this book (or her wonderful blog) that this is exactly what Girl on the Net is doing. She’s scooping out every desire and want and experience from her brain and laying it out for us. She asks us to enjoy it, while encouraging us to embrace that same kind of sexual freedom.

What drives this memoir is certainly the sex itself. Although there’s plenty of love in here, and heartbreak and neuroses and politics, it’s the sex that makes it. As fun and as strong as Girl on the Net’s writing is throughout, the book really comes alive when she describes the fucking. When such a scene is approaching, whether it’s the time she fucked ‘Number Two’ while ‘Number One’ was in the next room, or the first time ‘Number Twenty-Six’ took her roughly, you can feel the fizz in her writing; you can almost picture her closing her eyes, remembering, and then struggling to type because one hand is on the keyboard and the other is down her pants.

That kind of urgency, that desire to get down in words, graphically yet filthily beautifully, puts this book into a separate category from the broad genre of ‘erotica’. This isn’t ‘erotica’, really… perhaps we could term it ‘Gonzo Erotica’. Its visceral realness, its raw honesty kicks you, as Girl on the Net loves to say, in the gut – it frequently, as she would also say, makes you go ‘unngh’ when you read it.

And yet if you spend much of the book wondering what it would be like to spend a dirty hour in bed (or five minutes in an alleyway) with Girl on the Net, by the end, as you come to know her, or, at least, as much as she lets you know, what you really want to do is to go for a pint with her. Because the thing that makes Girl on the Net so compelling is not necessarily her love of fucking, it’s how she loves it and why she loves it and how, with great humour and warmth, she tells you about it.

Rate it, Horndog: Five out of Five Stars.

Follow Girl on the Net on Twitter
Visit Girl on the Net’s excellent blog
Buy Girl on the Net: My Not-So-Shameful Sex Secrets